Underwear Etiquette: Going Out or Bottoms Up!

My group of guy friends and I go out a lot, at some points I think we live for the weekends. One of the guys has named our group “The Glitter”, which pretty much defines the group. At last count we roll ten deep, and are well on our way to having a reality show on Logo—then when ratings are high enough we will jump-ship to Bravo. Think Real Housewives of Atlanta mixed with the A-List and a whole lot of Sex and the City thrown in for good measure. I am the self proclaimed Carrie Bradshaw of the group. (However the other nine may argue that—watch for their comments below) I love my guys to death; I would give them an organ if they ever needed it, excluding my liver, something about all the vodka tells me it probably wouldn’t be of much use. I digress; there is an actual point to this post. I am known for judging hard, that’s probably indicative of why I review underwear as a hobby, and I am judging them for their underwear. I suppose judging one of them for his addiction to Taco Bell at 3:00 am would be more appropriate, but I’d much rather judge their boxers. Now don’t get me wrong, all nine of them aren’t guilty of bad choices in the underwear drawer; several of them actually have taste that I am envious of. The other night one of them pulls me aside at the bar “I found your blog yesterday” at that point I just started stuttering. (In my mind I just kept thinking “please say Simplicity, please say Simplicity (which is my personal blog) don’t say M.U.B.”) He replies with “I ordered so many pairs of underwear today” BUSTED! (at this point I had only told one of “The Glitter” about this blog, and it wasn’t him.) So now that “The Glitter” knows about me being a contributor to M.U.B. it has me thinking about what, in my opinion, one should wear when going out. As a group of single twenty-somethings no one really ever knows who is still going to have their pants on by the end of the night, so a good pair of underwear is imperative. Over the past couple weeks, and over many glasses of vodka I have put together my list of tips, anecdotes, and comments on what underwear are good to be found in after the sun sets on a weekend night.

1. 1) Skip the boxers. Period. End of Story. In my humble, and somewhat biased, opinion one should never wear boxers when drinking. Why, you may ask. My biggest reason is, well when you’re dancing (read grinding) you never know which direction your lil’ guy is gonna go, but I say things are only going up from here. So you need some support, or a lot of support. Wear something that is fitting to the body. Secondly boxers just aren’t sexy, personally seeing a guy in boxers is a huge turnoff. For me boxers are just downright uncomfortable to dance in, but for the love of God do not think I am giving you permission to go commando.  UMan adds: I agree.  One should really never wear boxers. 
2. 2) Wear dark colors. By wearing navy or black you minimize the appearance of sweat or spilled liquor on your undies. Every weekend you will find me religiously in a pair of black boxerbriefs. This rule goes hand in hand with number three.
3. 3) Keep it simple. Patterns are fun, colors are great, and by no means should you ever wear anything boring.
4. 4) Stay classy. You’re out, you’re meeting potential partners, friends, or dates, don’t scare them off by revealing the waistband of a jock strap or the string of a g-string when you “dip-it-low.” I personally am most comfortable taking my pants off in front of someone if I’m wearing a pair of boxerbriefs, but there is nothing wrong with a good pair of briefs. Just save the mesh, metallic, or studded undies for nights of sobriety. If you want to scare a potential partner off just strip down to a mesh thong or tuxedo patterned pair of boxers. Keep it classic and keep it classy and chances are it won’t be too hard to avoid going home alone at the end of the night. Look for a forthcoming post on these types of underwear… and exactly why the hell I have a box full of them.
5. 5) Go for quality. Hanes and Fruit of the Looms were good and well when we were kids, heck they are what I wore until I turned 14, but we’re all adults here, so unless you’re working in a field or digging a ditch wear something of quality. If you’re dancing/getting blackout drunk there is a good chance your waistband is going to show at some point, so dress to impress.
6. 6) Be original. No explanation needed.
7. 7) This one is my bonus type… If you plan on getting black-out, take your own bedding, it makes spending the night on the bathroom floor a whole lot more comfortable.

To make things even easier I have picked a few of my favorites for wearing out:

• 2xist Neon Trunk Black $24.00 from International Jock

• Ergowear MAX Premium Contrast Brief Black $22.00 from International Jock

• Calvin Klein Steel Micro Boxer Brief Antique Plum $26.00 from International Jock

• 2(x)ist Sliq Trunk in Hibiscus $24.00 from International Jock

So it is almost the weekend, and I hope you are going out at some point, but are you and your undies ready? If so, put a sexy pair on, go out, have a drink, have another, then have a vodka in my honor, (Ketel One) and have a damn good night. Bottoms Up!

…oh and don’t judge if you see “The Glitter” and me at Taco Bell… just blame it on the red head.

What’s under his kilt?

Wearing underwear under a kilt.

For ages the consensus was that you are not a “real Scot” unless you are bare under your kilt. However recently the Scottish Tartans Authority, an organization dedicated to keeping the integrity of the traditional Scottish garb, has decreed that refusing to wear underwear beneath your kilt is “childish and unhygienic” and that this flies in the face of decency. The organizations director Brian Wilton said kilt wearers should have the common sense to wear underwear beneath their countries national dress. And he went on to say that just because highlanders wore nothing in the days before wide0spread underwear usage was available doesn’t mean that we in the 21st century should do the same. Underwear is important for two main reasons the first is decency the second is hygiene. The first is the obvious complaint that without underwear in certain situations you are at risk of revealing yourself. And although some, including myself, find this an appealing feature of the kilt others feel it is disrespectful of the traditional and almost sacred significance of the tartan or kilt and I can understand that. The second is a dirty fact that we usually try not to think about, that our underwear is a sanitary protection that protects the cleanliness of our garments. Apparently there have been problem with kilts becoming so dirty they practically were declared a biohazard. Sounds crazy but a kilt maker named Slanj who has provided traditional kilts for Billy Connolly and Ewan McGregor insists his clients wear underwear because he has had some returned in such a messy state that he called them too unhygienic for his staff to handle. A high quality traditional Tartan is very expensive and not as easy to clean as a pair of briefs so this is a valid concern.

No underwear under kilt.

Yet not everyone agrees. Formula One Racing driver David Coulthard said “Kilts are from the past and so is the tradition of not wearing any underwear. I'm proud to be a true Scotsman. It's a tradition that should be left alone. I've been wearing kilts since I was a little boy and will continue to wear my kilts in the time-honored fashion. There is nothing childish or unhygienic about it.” And many kilt wearers have this same opinion.

Matching underwear under kilt.

This is a subject I am torn on because on the one hand I love the idea of a naked man under a kilt yet on the other I also like the image of a nice pair of underwear hiding beneath that manly cloak. But this is an underwear blog so I am going to go address this from a different angle. This case really emphasizes the magnitude of the impact underwear has had on us. At one time the Scottish Military were required not to wear anything under their kilts for ease of movement and today the authority on this rich and distinctive culture has ruled it necessary for underwear to be worn in order to preserve the dignity of this tradition. Often we get so caught up in the look and visual attractiveness of underwear we forget that they serve an important role in our lives. They support, protect our modesty and keep us hygienic and clean which promotes good health. So whichever side of this kilt debate you are on, you have to give underwear credit for the impact it has made. Thank you underwear.

Underwear Answers (UA): premier installment

Lots of people read this blog, men and women, gay and straight, there is a very wide variety of readers. Not everyone is as informed about everything underwear as others. This is meant to be an informative blog. Thus, today I have decided to launch a new segment called "Underwear Answers". I receive many questions by email about underwear etiquette and problems. Instead of just benefiting the asker I think it's a great idea for everyone to be able to read the questions and the answers. So here is the first one.

Question: "My husband is trying to find a way to tuck his shirt into boxers without them sticking out the top of his trousers... how do you get the shirt tight like if you tucked them into briefs?"
Asker: Bridget
Category: Underwear Etiquette
Answer: OK... so here's how it should go. He should not tuck in the outside layer (the shirt that everyone sees) into the underwear. If he is wearing an undershirt it is acceptable to tuck the undershirt into the underwear. Put on the undershirt first and then pull on the underwear over it. Now he can put on the overshirt and then pull on the pants over those. If there is no undershirt involved he should put on the underwear, then the shirt and then pull on the pants over the shirt (and the shirt should remain in between the pants and the underwear, NOT IN the undies).

I think this is a fun idea that could potentially help a lot of people. So send your questions my way (my email is listed in the sidebar) and I will attempt to answer them to the best of my knowledge.